Coping with Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a term commonly used to describe the habitual setting of excessively high performance standards that usually goes hand-in-hand with overly harsh self-criticism. It often results in feelings of depression when the unrealistic expectations are not lived up to.

• Perfectionism is seldom helpful, and is particularly destructive when linked to things which are:
  (i) not totally under your own control (eg winning or getting selected)
  (ii) not that important in the grander scheme of things.
• Perfectionism is an over-commitment to things - generally rooted in anxiety - which leads to poor decision-making and less effective behaviours. 
• Mistakes are key to learning - when you get too self-critical and don't 'allow' yourself to make them, you slow down your own progress. 

• Treat yourself the same way you would nurture a talented young athlete that you were responsible for. 
• Replace your striving for perfection, with the striving for optimal effectiveness. 
• List common situations in which your perfectionism has in the past become a destructive force.
• Identify and spell out a more effective approach to each of the above.
• Practice these new approaches. 
• When busy with something, stop to check the bigger picture every now and then - giving yourself the opportunity to re-focus your attention if need be.
• If your perfectionism continues to interfere in your general well-being, quality of life or your performance, consult a professional. 

• Where you originally developed your habit of perfectionism.
• What purpose it might have served at that time. 
• How different things might be, if from here on you judged yourself not on how perfectly things turn out, but simply on how effectively you have done all the things which are under your own control.

Coping with Criticism

Coping with Disappointment

Coping with Pre-Competition Nerves

Coping with Negative Thinking

Coping with Success

Success can at times be trickier to deal with than failure. Besides the excitement and celebration, it brings with it increased levels of pressure and attention. It can be disorienting, and foster uncertainty around who to trust. Even if you don't allow success to change you, it may well change how others relate to you.

• Take time to appreciate and enjoy your achievement.
• Keep perspective. 
• Acknowledge, and thank all who have contributed.
• Reflect on, and learn from your success. 
• Stay true to yourself. 
• Nurture your most important relationships. 
• Draw and maintain appropriate boundaries. 
• Re-set your goals, taking care not to over-promise. 

• What are the less helpful ways in which athletes sometimes respond to success?
• What are the more helpful ways in which athletes sometimes respond to success?
• How might your success impact on those around you (positively and/or negatively)?
• Are there any potential pitfalls associated with your success?
• What can you do to lessen the risk of these?
• What is the 'real you' - that which was around long before your success, and would continue to be around if one day the success were forgotten?

Coping with Perfectionism

Coping with Criticism

Coping with Pre-Competiton Nerves

Coping with Returning From Injury

The process of returning to competition after injury is often characterized by fear and uncertainty – both around the risk of re-injury, as well as around expectations of getting back to previous performance levels. Commonly, this happens amidst pressure (from self and others) to return fully, as soon as possible.

• You need to be both physically AND mentally ready to transition effectively back to full competition.
• For this transition to go smoothly, you need to take it one step at a time, in challenging but do-able increments. 

• Listen to the medical professionals. 
• Stay patient with yourself. 
• Check and if necessary, adjust your goals. 
• Use imagery to mentally rehearse your return to full competition. 

1. At the top of a piece of paper, write "full competition". (ie That which you are aiming to get back to).
2. At the bottom of the same piece of paper, write down the level of movement at which you currently feel totally comfortable (eg jogging).
3. Now add in the steps in between – creating a list of scenarios which are increasingly stressful on the body (and the thought of which are possibly also increasingly anxiety-provoking). 

4. Tackle one level (of your 'hierarchy') at a time. ie Practice it repeatedly, gradually building your confidence at that level. 
5. Only once you feel totally confident at a given level - and the medical professionals have also given the go-ahead - should you proceed to the next level.

• If you are feeling pressured to return as quickly as possible, what are the main sources of this pressure?
• What could be done to manage this pressure more effectively? 
• If you are unsure about the above, who might be able to help you brainstorm possible solutions?
• How confident do you currently feel that the previously injured body part is now able to handle the demands on it?

Coping with Injury

Coping with Criticism

Coping with not getting a Fair Chance

Coping with Perfectionism

Coping With Not getting A Fair Chance

It is quite common for athletes at times to feel that they are not being given a fair chance to prove themselves. These are difficult times, but they do provide good learning opportunities - either as a wake up call if the 'unfair' treatment is in fact justified, or in learning to cope with life's inevitable setbacks if it is not. 

• Life is not always fair. 
• The crux of all stress management is taking full responsibility for that which you can control, and working as best as possible around that which you cannot.
• Unfairness is a subjective opinion (which may or may not be accurate). 

• Coaches & selectors have their reasons for making the decisions that they do (which you may or may not agree with). 

• Do not confuse this current lack of opportunity, with you not having enough potential as an athlete, or with you being unworthy as a person.

• Ask the coach for specific feedback. 
• Genuinely consider any feedback that you do get. 
• Keep working consistently hard at all the things which are under your own control. 
• Externally, show your motivation not your frustration. 
• Internally, accept your feelings, but don't wallow in them.
• Share your feelings with someone that you trust.
• If you feel it is genuinely a hopeless situation, do consider other options. 

I expect this checklist - more than the others - to generate lots of 'buts' in athletes' heads as they read it. The problem with this is that as long as you are generating 'buts' you are not really open to considering other points of view – and there is a real danger of this holding you back more in your career than what the current situation actually is. Re-read the list when your head is quieter - allowing the points to more fully sink in.

How to cope with Criticism

How to cope with Disappointment

How to cope with Slumps

Coping with Perfectionism

Coping with Pre-Competition Nerves

Coping with Negative Thinking